Cancer Sucks!

I have seen that sticker or saying many times and thought, that is just a little crude and in your face. After this year, I have to agree, Cancer Sucks!

This particular post has been needing to be done for a long time.  However, as you will understand, it was just really painful and something I wasn't up for.  As you know, my dad had cancer. About a year ago, this time, things started to go down hill really fast. He was really sick at this time of the year and we were getting ready to attend a funeral. Amazingly, he pulled through and after much prompting from my sister, we were all able to see him at Thanksgiving. He was definitely weaker, the cancer was taking its toll. However, we were able to be with him and talk to him and have a wonderful Thanksgiving. All my siblings and their families but one were able to be there. My brother just lives too far away.

(My dad with my nephew at Thanksgiving)

By this time, my dad was weak enough that he was no longer able to go into work.  Whenever I called home, which is almost daily, I got to talk to both him and my mom.  It was nice to have that daily connection with him.  As time worked into the end of January things started to get worse again.  By February, he was going into the hospital almost every week as he was getting sick and his body was having difficulty fighting it.  On March first, my dad made his way back to the ER one more time.  When I called things weren't going well.  It looked like his organs were going into failure.  He had turned around so many times, my mom wasn't sure it was going to stick.  I convinced her to let me start calling the siblings so that they could go and be there with him when and if he passed away.  Even I was getting ready.  Later that day I called and talked to one of the nurses who was attending him and she said that he had stabilized.  When I explained that I lived far away and needed to know how fast I needed to get there, she said he was fine right then.  I decided that I would get the whole family ready and we would leave the next day.  I should have followed my instincts to just go, but I also felt very peaceful about leaving the next day with Mike and the kids.

March 2nd came and my sister went down to sit with my mom at the hospital as she lived within an hour.  By the time my mom and sister got to the hospital, things were starting to go downhill quickly.  Had my mom known that it was going to go so quickly, she would have stayed with him the whole night.  But she had also been reassured.  My sister called saying that I needed to get there as quickly as possible.  I got to talk to my dad clearly, one more time.  He wasn't feeling good and didn't really want to talk.  I told him that I didn't think I would get there in time and that I loved him.  He got choked up and told me he loved me too.  Then I hung up...and sobbed. 

Mike had been working crazy hours that week, so he was exhausted.  I knew that I could not leave him to drive the whole way while I flew ahead.  I had always said that if I didn't make it in time that I would be okay.  I had been able to spend 3 weeks with my parents the summer before, which is more than a lot of people get.  I had, luckily, gone home for Thanksgiving.  We finally got all the laundry we would need for a week done, got the kids and headed for California.  We knew we would be driving well into the early morning.  I knew it was a long shot that I would get there in time. 

Little miracles happened for us on the way, in the midst of our trial.  Around 10 o'clock I was driving as Mike was exhausted and I passed a Nevada Highway Patrolman going 80mph.  Right on the dot.  Now, I think it was because I swerved a little bit when I passed him that I got pulled over, because he surprised me when he didn't have his lights on at all and all the sudden, there he was on my left as I was passing someone on my right.  My heart sank as I saw the lights go on and we slowed down.  I was already emotional and was mad that they pulled me over in the first place.  The normal speed limit was 75 and in Nevada, 80 isn't usually a problem.  He came up next to us and as we were looking for our insurance and registration started asking us the usual questions.  Only problem was, I had cleaned out the glove compartment a few days before and apparently threw away all pertinent information for driving legally.  We feverishly kept looking as I muttered "I can't believe this" under my breath.  He asked us if we knew that this was a ticket as well and we responded that we did.  After a few minutes, and after we revealed why we were on the road in the first place, he volunteered that they were really just pulling people over to make sure that they were awake enough to drive (and probably not drunk).  He told us to pull over at the next exit and find our paper work (yeah right) and then continue on.  The Lord had to have softened his heart, because it really didn't make sense, but I was so grateful.  We pulled over just a half a mile ahead and Mike and I switched places as I was shaking so bad at that point.  We didn't speed the rest of the way.

By 10:30pm I called the family, that were all there, but my brother from Indiana.  They put me on speaker phone so that I could talk to my dad.  He was on a lot of morphine at that point and his speech was a slurred so that my siblings had to relate to me what he was saying. I told him how far away I was and that I knew he was in an immense amount of pain.  I told him that he didn't have to hang on for me to get there, that I knew he loved me and that we would get to see each other again.  It was wonderful and sad to talk to him one last time.  I hung up and sobbed. 

After I was able to get composed again, I called back and asked if I could just be on speaker phone with them and listen as they were all gathered around.  Of course, they did.  I just sat and listened as we traveled across the dark Nevada desert.  My brother Clark finally got there and I heard as they got to talk to each other for a very brief time before my dad went to sleep.  We got to the Sierra's and it was snowing. We had to stop and put chains on the car.  We let them know that we would call back as soon as we were on the road, but that we would now be at least another 2 hours longer as we would be going very slowly over the pass.  After much difficulty getting the chains on we got back in the car and started to go.  Shortly after my dad passed away at 12:58pm on March 3rd, the family called me and told me he was gone. 

I can't describe how I felt.  I knew without a doubt that I was where I was supposed to be at that time.  With my own little family, traveling with them for their safety.  I wish I had been able to be there with the rest of the family in his hospital room and been able to give him one last hug while he was alive.  But I knew that he loved me and I knew that he knew I loved him.  Katie was awake for that last hour listening to everything that was going on.  Christian woke up after my dad had passed away and we talked for at least an hour about Grandpa passing away and what that meant.  That we would see him again in heaven and that I was sure that we would feel his spirit especially during the time right after his passing and the funeral.  Katie piped up, "I think he is here with us right now, I really feel the spirit strongly".  I am sure she did.  It was a very sweet time to be there with my kids and talk to them as all of this was going on.  I was where I was supposed to be.  I was okay that I wasn't there.  That time in the car with the kids and Mike was very spiritual and I was glad that I was with them. 

The next day, after we had slept at my sisters house enough to get by, we drove from my sisters house down to my mom's to be with everyone for the day.  Walking into my parents house for the first time since he was gone was overwhelming and I just cried and hugged my family.  I wanted to go and see my dad, so my mom and two of my sisters Saralyn and Barbara went with me to the mortuary for support.  It was really hard, but I was so glad to go and see him and have that closure.  We cried, we hugged.  He looked so peaceful.  No longer in pain.  But I still missed him.  As I drove them back to Moms house I just listened as everyone was talking.  And as we got to the corner of March and Pacific in Stockton, I will never forget how I felt.  It was like I was getting a warm hug from someone.  Not a freaky feeling.  Just the warmth of a hug as I was thinking about my dad.  I knew he was there.  I didn't say anything to anyone at the time.  But I had gotten my hug.  I had been where I was supposed to be and I still got my hug in the end.  You can say I imagined it, that I wanted it that bad, but I wasn't even thinking about wanting that at the time. 

If you can have a good week after someone you love has died, we did.  All of us felt so buoyed up.  Friends of my moms brought food over for us.  Flowers were sent. and we got the chance to be with family for a whole week with nothing else interrupting.  It was a very spiritual time. 

By the time the funeral came we were nearly cried out.  It was hard when they closed the casket for the last time.  We followed the casket down the hall into the chapel of the church.  There wasn't a Sunday before my dad's funeral for it to be announced at church.  However, when we walked into the chapel we were blown away as it was packed with people all the way through the overflow.  We were so touched!

 (My Mom and my Dad's Brother, very sweet)

Can funerals be funny?  Of course, when planned by your father they can have some humor.  Since my dad knew that his time was close he chose the songs and who he wanted to do what.  Our first hymn we sung was "Onward Christian Soldiers".  As you get to the chorus you sing "Happy are we, happy are we!".  We just started laughing quietly with our shoulders shaking, because, we were sad dang it, not happy.  It was just ironic that we were singing that at the funeral.  We tried so hard to stop, and we did, but we laughed each time we got to that part. 

(The Burial on Monday, they were not open on Saturday)

The months that followed were very difficult for me personally.  I didn't realize that even though I know that I will see him again, have a testimony of a life after this one, how hard it would be.  My mom shared a quote with me from Neal A. Maxwell.  Paraphrasing, he said that going through the grieving process is part of our mortal experience.  We all grieve.  At the time of my father's death I also thought about how even Christ mourned and cried with Mary and Martha for the loss of Lazarus whom was also a close friend of Christ's.  Of course, he then raised him for the dead.  Grieving is needed.  It is healthy.  And there is no loss of faith. 

I am so grateful for the plan of salvation, because I know this is not the end.  I will get to see him again.  Apparently, my dad was a bit agitated that I might not get there before he died.  Someone told him that he just needed to hug me as soon as he saw me again in heaven.  I look forward to that day, not too soon, but I look forward to a time when I will be in heaven with my family, my Savior and my Heavenly Father again someday.

God be with us till we meet again!

Hacking Update, Safety for You!

After two days of trying to sort everything out, (it still isn't), I ran into a friend that is a very smart techie.  She is a certified Hacker herself, which she uses in her job to hack back at people that try to hack her companies website and/or computers.  So after telling her the brief synopsis of what happened and how I thought that it occurred she told me that it was most likely NOT my phone being hacked.  That is technically more difficult and most evil (my term, not hers) hackers go for the easy kill. 

My techie friend said that most likely they came through my computer.  I was shocked.  No way, I said, I am so careful.  She asked if my firewall is up.  If it is not, they can access your computer and see everything!  Of course, I had firewalls.  She said that having two firewalls up is like having two locks on your door, most thieves won't bother going through two, but they will go through one.  It is apparently not that hard.  I came home and I did have two, windows firewall and my Norton Antivirus also had one.  She suggested ZoneAlarm Firewall which is free.  I put that on also.  So now I have three.  Bring it on evil hackers.  On second thought...don't. 

When I got home and started talking to Mike I gasped.  It was HIS computer!  I had just used his in the last week to check my email.  And he doesn't keep his laptop from work current.  No antivirus and only one firewall-which the definitions were not up to date.  AAAGGGGHHHH!  Mike said, "Ooops!"  So I spent the next hour or two downloading the free Norton Antivirus from our Comcast account, updating and scheduling automatic updates for his windows firewall and then installing the ZoneAlarm firewall too.  My friend will be coming over later this week to hack back at the person(s) that did this to us and get back at him.  In a very legal way of REPORTING them to the POLICE.  Jerk(s). 

She is also going to help me get encryption for my computer passwords, because did you know that there is also software out there that they can put on your computer to record all of your keystrokes, send them to themselves as a text, and steal your passwords. I will pass that information along to you later also. 

Sleep well my friends.  Hopefully my pain will become your aid and protection.

Oh, and don't use your husbands computer if it isn't protected. 

I've been hacked...

I am really careful with my electronic information. I really am careful not to fall for scams (I apparently have inherited 45 million dollars thus far from some lawyer in Nigeria), click on links that my friends send me that seem suspect (as in they are for things that they would never send to me because of the content and somebody seems to have hacked their email). But I never thought that it could happen to ME!

Yesterday morning as I am getting ready to leave and take the kids to school I get a call from a friend asking me where I was right now. "Home," I responded. "Okay, someone has hacked into your Facebook account and is chatting with people telling them you are in London (I wish), were robbed, Mike's arm is broken and you need them to wire money." AHHHH! I was horrified.

First, I hardly ever post on Facebook. I am much more likely to comment on other people's posts. Second, I never have my chat enabled, I would rather call and chat or text with people. Third, I have trouble asking anybody for money, even when it is for a good cause, let alone (heaven help me) for myself. (I have no problem giving to good causes) It would have to be a very bitter pill I had swallowed for me to be chatting people up for money on Facebook. No matter what the situation. There are other venues to go through.

Ironically, right before my friend called, my Facebook account wouldn't load to my phone. I had just seen that, but thought, oh, it is having issues. NO! It was hijacked by a really mean person (there are stronger words, but I digress). I got on Mike's Facebook and told them where they could take there business and to stop doing what they were doing when they promptly un-friended and blocked Mike. (How rude to do that to "their" husband). Then I found out that my email was hijacked too, (oh, that is why it wouldn't authenticate on my phone either) when another friend had called and let me know that they had started to use my email contact list. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Let me tell you how hard it has been to get control of that back. Still working on it.

Let me just say that I am learning a lesson here. First of all, don't judge others when they get hacked. Not that they did, I was just dumbfounded at how it could happen. Secondly, have stronger passwords. Thirdly, and possibly most important for security, when you get a smart phone, be careful of what applications you download. I truly think that this is how I was finally compromised. Read what the applications can track and have access to before you allow it on. I deleted everything off of my phone that was not original and will slowly and carefully add things back on.

In conclusion, so far, to this horror story...I am truly sorry if you were asked for money from any source claiming it was me. I am also so grateful to all my friends from Kansas to Arizona to California and here that called, texted, and contacted Mike to let us know what was going on. To those that love me so much that they wanted to send money, I love that you love me that much. If you sent money (and I pray no one did)...I truly have NO idea where it is.

Back

If there is even anyone out there that is even looking at my blog anymore...I am back. I think. Life got crazy after school started and then blog post ideas started to mount in my head. Sad things happened and I just didn't have the desire for awhile to do it. However, I am finally back. All the things I have wanted to post about, I am going to go "back" in time and do it. Mainly for my sake as this is virtually, no literally, my only record I am really keeping of what is going on in my life. The kids love it too and have been asking me, "aren't you going to blog about this?" They love going back and looking.

Hopefully you will enjoy my blogs, or just skip them and go forward with me from here, or just glance at the pictures. Whatever. But if you were wondering, if you cared, I am back. :)

The Kitten Girl

Mid Oct 2009

Once upon a time...there was a girl who went to Shopko and came back with a kitten. This short story is to tell you how that came about.

Over the years, I have told the kids they have a budget for birthdays and Christmas, so give me their list from most wanted on down so they really get what they want. Katie has had only a few presents the last few celebrations, but you know, hasn't felt less loved. She knew the deal and she got what she really wanted. So, soon after her birthday in August, Katie told me she knew what she wanted for Christmas. If she only got one thing, and she got this, she would be fine and happy. Katie was totally setting me up. "Okay Katie, what is it?”

"I want a cat."

Long silence......"That isn't happening Katie. I don't do cats." My kids over the next few months decided I didn't like animals. Which is so not true. I just didn't want one more body to have to pick up after.

After days and weeks of pestering, I finally told Katie and Christian, "If you want a cat, you can. You just have to keep your room clean for a whole month, with no missed days." Translation...you will never have a cat while you are living in this house. I know, I am horrible.

Fast forward a few months later. We had mice get in the house and Mike didn't want me to use decon, so it persisted for longer than it should have. One day I said to the kids, "The only way your prayers are going to be answered on getting a cat is if these mice aren't gone in the next couple of days." Katie must have gone on a prayer binge. That weekend we went up to Logan for a wedding of some awesome friends from Oregon. After the wedding we went to Shopko really fast and on the way out I saw a boy sitting outside giving away "Free" kittens. I didn't say a word to Katie and she didn't see. Then, so quietly, I tell Mike that there were free kittens back there. Katie shouted, "STOP THE CAR! STOP THE CAR! I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM!" All while she is also opening the door of our moving car. So we went back. I mean, it couldn't hurt to just look. What a sucker I am. So we pick them up and look at them and hold them. And Katie looks up at me with her big brown eyes that I fell in love with 11 years ago that she got from her dad and I look at Mike who is sitting in the car. We pick out a cute grey 6 week old tabby kitty with big blue eyes. I fell in love with that cat on the hour ride home. Katie named her Mittens, not because she looks like she has any, but because our friends the Ostler's have a cat with both paws that look like mittens and the name to go with it. Hilarious. She is a cutie. Oh, and that free cat. $100 later that day and more in vet fees to get her fixed, yeah, there is no such thing as a free cat. It has been so worth it though.

I am now a former hater of cats. In fact, I love them. I am really a cat person. But I thought I was a dog person. In fact, a few months later in March, we got a second cat. His name is Crookshanks. We decided on the name before we got him. We were planning on getting an orange tabby, but when we got the the animal shelter and sat down on the ground to see who would come to Christian, it was another grey cat. He is all grey on grey though and a Russian Blue looking tabby. He is a cuddler, which we love.

(Right after a nap, his eyes aren't actually kitty-whompus)

(You will take a picture little kitty! I had nothing to do with this picture by the way. Can you say stolen camera?)

So I guess, the lesson here is, never say never. Oh, and by the way, we haven't had any mice...so it is still safe to come and visit. :)

No animals were harmed in these "films" ;).

Oquirrh Mountain Temple Open House

Having just moved to Utah we had the wonderful opportunity to go and see the Oquirrh Mountain Temple before it was dedicated and put to work. At a Temple Open House anyone can go in and have a tour of the temple. Mike was very busy last summer and we had a hard time finding a day that he could go with us to see it. It was the first time my kids had ever been inside and even for members of our church, when you do go, you don't just wander around as there is work going on in all corners of the Temple. We finally went on the very last day of the open house. One of the very last hours you could go in. I watched the blogs of my friends all summer long showing their families in front of the temple after they had been inside. They were from Arizona. It seemed like everyone I knew had gone. Here we are living an hour away and we barely made it. But we did.

Mike and I had been doing yard work all day and finally ran inside to get ready at the last minute. When I do yard work, I tend to leave the kids to fend for themselves. After we were in the car driving down trying to make our scheduled time (we didn't, but apparently it didn't matter) the kids started to whine about food and being hungry. But after telling them that we really needed to go and I am sure we would be in and out in less than an hour, they stopped. We got there and watched a movie that explained the purpose of temples. The spirit really touched me even though I had not even set foot inside. It really set the tone. It was so beautiful inside. It was a really crowded as it was the last day, but we were really glad that we made it. It being packed, it went a little too slowly for Christian, but he made it and got the reward of some yummy cookies in the end...which was close to 3 hours after we left the house. Had I known the ease of us getting in and how long it was going to take, we would have stopped for food beforehand. Those kids were troopers. They finally got a meal and a memory of what they are looking forward to in the future blessings when they get to go and be married there like Mike and I did.

It was a beautiful day and I am so glad that we got there, even if it was at the last moment. If you ever get a chance to go to an open house, go! It is free and just a wonderful place to be!