Why did we get such a big house again?

Every May, Mike and I usually head off to the happy land of National Boy Scout Meetings, somewhere in the United States.  Which means, since my kids are not yet to the legal age of watching themselves for a few days, we have someone take them or come and watch them for us.  Before we moved here we had to make plans to fly them back to California less than a month after landing in Utah.  They were scared to death of flying alone, but it was a great experience.  I have a wonderful Sister in Law and Brother that took care of them like their own children (but they didn't make them do as many chores, lucky kids.  I am not as nice...).  The next year they stayed with friends here and had a wonderful time.  We have been very blessed.

Last May, my Mom was able to come out again to help and visit for a month.  My cousin was getting married in the middle of June and instead of flying back and forth twice, she stayed.  It was so much fun! After all the years that I have lived far from home, having a visit for that length of time was a real treat for me and the family.  Mike and I were gone for the meeting the first week of her visit and then got to be with her the rest of the time.  

The first Monday that we were back Mike turned to me and said, "Your mom should just come and live with us."  Now, this was not completely out of the blue.  Before my dad passed away, we told her several times that if she ever wanted to come and live with us, we would love to have her here with us.  Now she isn't even 65 (for 1 more day), so she is not the age that most would probably consider doing such a thing.  However, she is legally blind and that means that she can see well enough to do things and get around, but she can't drive anymore.  In fact, she hasn't driven in over 12 years.  

Thursday night rolled around and, again, Mike said, "Your mom should really just come and live with us."  Again I told him, as I had on Monday, that when and if she was ready she would tell us.  

Friday morning, I was in the kitchen doing something and she came up to me and said slightly nervous and apprehensively, "I have something to tell you."  

Now, I have learned from my friend Jeralee, that because I am a people pleaser, I am always fearing that I am in trouble.  I have to get over that, because it is really annoying.  So, I rushed, "I know I could do better on my parenting,"  

She laughed and said, "No, that is not what I am talking to you about at all, and I think you are a great parent!"  (Well, now that you have said that, of COURSE I am!)  She paused and then said, "I think I am going to move in with you."  I think my response was of my mouth dropping open and then a shout of excitement and then she told me how she came to thinking about it.  She couldn't get the thought out of her mind all week as she was going to bed.  She went to sleep thinking about where she would put her stuff, where to move things.  She woke up thinking about it as well.  These thoughts had not been on her mind before she came and they were not invited there.  She felt a little perplexed by it all, probably especially since so many of her children and a sister lived in California.  I then told her that I could answer for Mike as well and that it could not have been coincidence that he said, not just once, but TWICE, how she should move in with us just that week.  We hadn't spoken about it for months before that.  

She still felt like she had to think and pray about it.  And by Sunday she felt like she had a confirmation with all of the thoughts and feelings that she had that she was supposed to come.  My mom really didn't understand completely why (I think she understands more now), but within four months she had moved in with us into our daylight windowed, walkout basement that she calls home.  She has two bedrooms, her own (much smaller than her old) bathroom, and a living room with a fireplace and a place for her huge office desk.  It was hard to leave kids and grand kids and her home and friends behind in California, but she has been amazing at reaching out and meeting people in our neighborhood and ward.  

Now we'll be "real" here for a short moment.  (And I hope my family does not think me ungrateful)  There have been a few bumps as the kids adjusted to another motherly figure around (back-up for mom! Woohoo!) and she has been so wonderful in trying to just remain grandmotherly (dang it, less back-up) when the law needs to be laid down.  But those things have been minor and, I think, mostly overcome and it has been a joy to have her here!  We laugh and talk a lot.  I have to fight her off in the kitchen to do dishes (I know, crazy, but I don't want to abuse the help).  It is just so nice, after all of these years, to have her close again (and no, not a little too close)  In some ways, that someday I may elaborate on, it has saved my relationship with my own daughter.  

So when we bought this huge house, almost a thousand square feet more than I had wanted and swore I would never have again, I couldn't understand why this house felt so right when we wasted so much of its space.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how we could use it better (rent it, adopt, foster, missionaries).  Why?  I love this house.  I love so many things about it.  But I just didn't understand, why this big?  All the pieces fell into place when my mom told me that she was going to move in with us.  In one moment, all of that space made sense.  And it is no longer wasted, it has purpose, and one of my best friends living there.

Cancer Sucks, Strike 3!

(July 2008)

Someone apparently thought that things were just going to well this year or maybe that we just should get all the ugly stuff taken care of all at once.  Whatever it was, I don't agree.  My mom came out to my house the first time since my dad had passed away at the end of June so that she could come and be here for Christian's baptism as well as visit.  (yeah, I know, waaaaay behind on blogging.)  I was so excited for her to come. 

After the kids had been dismissed from dinner and flitted away to play with friends until the sun went down, my mom cleared her throat.  " I have something to tell you," she said.  I knew right then that she had cancer.  One of the times I had been home a few years back she needed a ride to get a mammogram because her doctor had been concerned.  Everything checked out fine at the time, but it was always in the back of my mind since her side of the family has tons of cancer in its history.  Yay, me!

She had already beat uterine cancer about five years ago, that was strike one.  My dad having died so recently was strike two.  Now we had strike three.  She had just had a biopsy done right before she came to my house, so wasn't sure what they were going to find, but she was pretty sure she had breast cancer.  When she got home from my house two weeks later, the doctor confirmed the findings.  She asked Mike and I if I would come out and help her for the surgery if she had to have one.  Mike's schedule is always pretty crazy, but he said we would figure it out and yes, I would be there. 

We thought the surgery would be about a month before school started, so it would not be a problem for me to take the kids so that I wouldn't have to worry about Mike's schedule.  I didn't find out until I was at my sister's house in Oregon at then end of July that it was going to be the day after school started.  My mom and I had talked previously about how that would be the only way I wouldn't be able to come.  How would Mike be able to take care of the kids while I was gone?  He was going to be in Florida the first three days of school and it would be the first two days of me being gone, but I couldn't, who would take care of my kids?  I was so crestfallen (yeah, I got that from the thesaurus). 

When I got to my mom's house a few days later (I was traveling around to see family while Mike was at the National Boy Scout Jamboree) I pulled aside my aunts, at different times, who both happened to be there to ask them how she was doing.  They both said separately how she was really devastated when I said I wasn't going to be there, but she picked herself back up and was doing better.  Of course, all of this was made harder by the fact my dad had just passed away less than 5 months before.  I asked my mom the next evening what she needed from me.  She has a hard time asking anyone to do anything for her, she has always been the one serving us (and she does that to the highest degree).  She broke down and said that she was scared about the surgery and finally admitted that she wanted me to be there.  I started looking at different things and finally got a hold of Mike in Virginia (NOT easy) and found a way while using faith, that I could come again.  When I told my mom, who had been so stoic about me not coming, that I would be coming, she was so relieved.  Now, not that many other people didn't offer help, but it was nice for me to be able to go and help.

After staying with her for that week, we found that it really was a blessing that I would come after school started.  The kids were a little louder at her house while we had been visiting than is really good for someone recovering from surgery.   I was up in the night a lot helping with medicine and other things, so I needed naps too (sleep is something my kids don't think I need). 

I am so glad that I finally got a chance to be of great service to my mom after all she has done for me.  It was so nice to be there with just her for almost two weeks.  I am grateful for a husband and awesome neighbors (who took care of my kids for two days while Mike was gone) that enabled me to go.  My family has so rallied around my mom and all want to help out.  When I left to go back home, my mom was still not ready to be on her own, but she was well enough to go and stay with my sister who is less than an hour away until she was.  Although not a fun thing to go through, she was so grateful for the opportunity to be there with my sister and her family and seeing how they functioned as a family.  Something she hasn't had an opportunity to do since they live so close.  Little blessing amidst the trials. 

Cancer Sucks, but she is doing well and we have great hope for her outcome.  She has just had her second of four chemo treatments and other sisters are going and helping her too.  My brother's family in town has been going and cleaning her house and getting groceries.  My aunt who lives close is always helping with driving her to appointments and anything else.  We all want to serve.  Perhaps the sweetest experiences come through our trials.  It was a sweet time to be with my mom.  I look forward to being with her other times when she is well again, but serving brings about a deep bond of love.  I am grateful for my mom's example in my life and the strength she has been to me and I count on her to continue being around to be that example once she kicks this cancer too!